5 Ideas on Dealing with Police Wife Loneliness
Eating Dinner and Doing Bedtime Alone Again? How to Stop Waiting Around for His Shift to End
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training so you can stop feeling lonely even when he works nights, weekends, and holidays.
Have you ever sat down to eat dinner at a quiet table or walked into a family party by yourself, wishing you didn't have to explain one more time that he had to work?
When you're with a police, fire, or military partner, nights, weekends, and holidays alone can easily make you wonder, "Does he love the job more than me?" One of my coaching clients, a deputy K9 wife, came to me feeling so lonely because their schedules conflicted and he kept taking optional overtime on his weekends off.
Once she built my Independent Daily Routines framework (so her evenings and weekends felt full and peaceful no matter what shift he worked), paired with Consistent Quality Time Together and Assertive Trauma Informed Communication, he started calling her before signing up for overtime and even turned down overtime on his day off to be with her.
I know that lonely feeling firsthand from the first 8 years of our marriage.
Since my husband worked night shift for the first 8 years of our marriage, I was alone for dinner and bedtime for 3-4 nights per week. I also attended many family and friend events or holiday meals alone since my husband often works holidays and weekends. Here are some ideas to help prevent your LEOW police wife loneliness if you are experiencing it.
Anticipate your LEOW police wife loneliness.
I use a monthly family calendar where I add my husband’s work schedule and all family events. If I see that my husband is working a lot of weekends, I text my girlfriend to plan a trip to the beach or park with our children. Then, I know I won’t be alone all weekend. This really helps prevent the feelings of loneliness and gives me and my children something to look forward to. Check out my blog on planning as a cop wife. I chat more about this in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book. If you are preparing for a longer military separation, see how I help clients build a weekly support plan in my guide to preparing for deployment as a military wife without burnout.
Participate in hobbies that you enjoy.
Find those hobbies that your spouse would not really enjoy. I love chick flicks on my husband’s work nights or scrolling Instagram (come say hi!) Some ideas of hobbies including: volunteering, church, reading, workout classes, sports. Get involved in your community. I serve on the Board of a local nonprofit. I also volunteer at my children’s school. Speaking of police kids, check out my new Boots by the Door book for police kids. You will meet people this way and feel a sense of community.
Leave love notes for each other.
Leave love notes for your spouse on the fridge or another place he will see them just to say hi. Most likely he will return the favor. Sometimes communicating on work days is tough, but little things like this let each other know you care.
Get a dog.
No joke. This is the number one recommendation from fellow police wives among my 8K Instagram follower community, which you should join if you have not already.
Getting a dog is literally research-based to improve quality of life. In addition, you can start taking your dog on walks, hikes, and to the dog park. You will feel more confident without your spouse, because you will have a dog with you.
I feel like I always meet our neighbors with dogs or kids! It’s an instant friend builder too.
This dog is just waiting for you to adopt it and take it on a walk.
If you’re a mom, join mom groups.
As a mom, I joined many mom groups, such as stroller strides, which had almost daily workout meetups in parks. Our kids played together afterwards. Look for similar meetups in your neighborhood. If you’re a mom, check out my blog on solo parenting too.
Embrace solitude.
Solitude is the act of being alone but not lonely. Have confidence in yourself and your marriage. Acknowledge that you are a part of the sacrifice that police families make to ensure safety of the community. Have confidence in that. Rock your solo time, girl!
Before you, go, check out my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book with 42 stories of my police dating and wife life.
Picture this:
You look at the monthly calendar and already have beach days, park meetups, or hobbies you love lined up for his work weekends.
Your evenings on his night shifts feel cozy and peaceful instead of lonely, because you built an Independent Daily Routine that lights you up.
He leaves a love note on the fridge before heading out, and you know the exact day and time you'll have Consistent Quality Time Together next.
He calls you before signing up for optional overtime and says no to extra shifts so he can be home with you.
You walk into family events solo with complete confidence, knowing you and your partner are on the same team.
You don't have to spend his shifts waiting around by yourself. Start with my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training.