Snooze those Night Shift Problems Away; My Police Husband Works Night Shift
Blackout Curtains, Box Fans, and Sleeping Alone: How to Thrive When Your Partner Works Night Shift
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training so you can feel calm, connected, and on the same team even on opposite sleep schedules.
If your police, fire, or military partner works night shift, you know how upside-down your home can feel when he is sleeping all day and you are lying awake in bed alone at night.
For the first eight years of our marriage, my husband only worked nights. Early on, I called him a zombie because we were both exhausted, and we felt like two passing ships in the night. What changed everything for us was building Independent Daily Routines that made my days and solo evenings feel peaceful and full, alongside Consistent Quality Time Together on the calendar so we didn't drift apart.
And when he wakes up groggy or comes home drained from a long night shift, my Gentle Observation method and Assertive Trauma Informed Communication make all the difference. As one of my coaching clients told me after trying it with her tired partner: "I could tell he was tired so I used Gentle Observation. So far, the results are wonderful. I can see that my man is more relaxed. I could really see it in his tone and the way he is more proactive in reaching out to spend time with me."
Here is what our bedroom actually looked like during those eight years of night shift, and the exact sleep, health, and routine tips that helped us both.
You can find blackout curtains, a box fan, a face cover, and ear plugs in our bedroom. I hardly ever know when you wash our sheets.
I have been a police wife and night shift spouse for over ten years. I am well aware of night shift problems. My police husband only worked nights for the first 8 years of our marriage. I googled this a few times during our first year of marriage: “night shift problems”, “night shift effects on health”, “night shift side effects, “is working night shift bad for your health?”, “night shift effect on hormones”, “does working night shift affect your health?”, “is night shift bad for you?”, & “How to feel safe when husband works night shift” in hopes of finding reasonable, practical tips to improve our sleep and wellness. My husband is a metropolitan police officer. I have found a few ways to improve our sleep and hope these tips help you too. If your husband works night shift and sleeps all day, keep reading.
Night Shift Problems
No joke, I once made a short form video of a collection of my husband napping, because I have that many videos and photos of him sleeping on the floor, couch, everywhere. Common night shift problems that you may be experiencing if you are reading this are:
feeling tired all of the time (aka zombie- that’s what I called my husband at the beginning) or insomnia
body is confused on when to sleep and when to be awake
groggy, grumpy, or irritable
lack of sex drive or excitement for anything (due to body needing basic needs first)
loss of appetite or craving only unhealthy foods (see my police officer meal planning blog here)
Keep reading to address these common night shift problems.
Night Shift Side Effects on Health
Sleep disorders (fatigue & sleeplessness), gastrointestinal disorders, anxiety, increased PTSD, depression and burnout are associated with night shift. A recent article by James et al. (2023) found these disorders among police officers during the pandemic; 77% of officers had reported poor sleep quality.
Let’s Counteract Night Shift Effects on Health
One major tip that my husband said really helped him was to
keep a consistent sleep schedule aka continue daytime sleeping on days off of work.
Many officers, especially family men and women, try to get back on their family’s sleep schedule on their days off. The issue is that most night shift workers only have a 2-3 days off before going back to work, so the body does not adjust to night sleeping.
Sure, this means that the night shifter may not ever be on the same sleep schedule as everyone else in the family, but it will improve their health.
A second major tip is to
improve mindfulness, which includes mind and body awareness. This can be accomplished through meditation, such as meditation apps, and exercises including yoga include mindfulness. Don’t stop reading. I really believe in the power of putting your mind to something, and it’s evidence-based.
One research study by Christopher et al. (2016) found that officers who participated in a mindfulness intervention for 8 weeks improved their reported mental health which was associated with cortisol changes.
Night Shift Problems Memes
After my girlfriend and fellow police read our new police children’s book, Boots by the Door, she loved this page where the mother is “shushing” her son, because “Daddy’s sleeping.” Oh my gosh, this is so common in my home it’s not even funny. Check out my blog on how to keep kids quiet on night shift here.
Let’s Snooze Night Shift Effects on Hormones
The lack of Vitamin D and disruption in circadian rhythm and sleep can reduce hormones, such as testosterone, over time.
Ashwaganda, an all natural herb, has been shown to improve testosterone among men in this study. My husband and I have both taken Ashwa and love it! I also recommend it in my blog on trying to conceive on night shift. It also doesn’t make me feel groggy like melatonin does.
Four 15-minute bright light exposure intermittently throughout night shift have been shown to improve circadian rhythms according to Smith et al. (2009).
Sleeping in on weekends has been show to improve hormones as well (Smith et al., 2009).
My Husband Works Night Shift and Sleeps all Day
All the tips above were for the night shift worker, but as a police and night shift spouse, the rest of the tips are for you, the partner at home. These tips will help your shift worker as well though!
Do a 15-20 HIIT (high intensity interval training) workout or yoga in the morning or afternoon during each day. This will help your body to feel more ready to relax later when you are ready for sleep. I know it can be difficult to fit in a workout. I love “MadFit” or “Syndey Cummings” on YouTube, which are free HIIT workouts that do not require much space or equipment. No, I don’t get paid to promote her workouts, but I do them myself. She helped me get my ads back after babies! This tip is good for both of you. Getting adequate exercise will boost both of your moods and improve sleep.
Get a sleep machine. My husband, my kids, and I love the Dohm’s Sleep Machine, which mimics the sound of a box fan.
Get Black-out curtains.
Use calming essential oils such as lavender. I love Simply Earth essential oils, because they donate 15% of proceeds to Human Trafficking. Use “heelsandholstersfree” to get a discount on a monthly box. I also LOVE my oil diffuser by Poiema; it’s so much stronger than ones I used to get at Target.
Try my favorite Ashwagandha, a natural supplement that improves anxiety and sleep. I never used to be a believer in all-natural supplements, but I was having chronic migraines from stress, tried these out, and they stopped the next day after I started taking Ashwagandha.
My Husband Works Nights and I’m Lonely
Spending nights solo can take some time getting used to. At first, it can be lonely. Eventually, you will find your groove, I promise. I began to look forward to my chick flick solo nights over time. Here’s somethings that will help:
Weighted blankets can bring a sense of security for many people sleeping solo.
Take a lavender and Epsom salt bath before bedtime to calm your nerves.
Spray your husband’s cologne on your pillow.
Heck, use your husband’s pillow as your own when he’s not there. Or, get yourself this amazing Eli & Elm pillow for side sleepers that will help you get cozy quicker.
Watch a chick flick or true crime to get your mind off things in the living room and then move into your bedroom for sleep at bedtime.
My Husband Works Nights and I’m Scared
Okay, so safety is numero uno as a police family. The thing that can be tough to control, but is so important is to live in the safest neighborhood possible. We live quite far from my husband’s work; he commutes. It’s hard on him, but then he knows I’m safe and I don’t worry either. However, if you cannot control where you live, then the following two tips can help a ton.
Get a dog- specifically a 100 lb. German Shephard. When asked for tips responding to, “How do I cope with my husband working night shift,” this is the #1 tip given by fellow police wives that helped them sleep better without their spouses home. I’m yet to get a dog myself, but someday I will.
Get a Ring doorbell or other security system to feel more secure. I love our Ring! My police husband is our own personal security keeping an eye on our front door and front yard while he’s at work and I’m sleeping soundly.
My Husband Works Nights and Sleeps All day
Establish a solo daytime routine that works for you. It can take time to get used to it, but try to find joy in the solitude. If you have children, check out my solo parenting, how to keep kids quiet with a night shift spouse, & wife support for shift work schedules blogs for tips on managing the responsibilities that come with night shift spouse life.
Schedule a time to spend time with your spouse. Yes, this may sound weird, but it is practical. You may be working different schedules and it is necessary to actually spend time together. If you feel like to two passing ships in the nights, check on my blog on reconnecting with your spouse.
Ask for help for responsibilities that you are taking on alone since your spouse is asleep during the day, such as paid daycare or housekeeping. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it may be that there truly are not enough hours in the day for you to take care of everything alone and your own needs. If you feel uncomfortable asking for help or paying for services, check out my blog on asking for help even if you feel uncomfortable.
I truly hope these tips gave you ideas on how to survive when your husband works night shift. If you happen to be struggling with overall unhappiness as a police wife, check out my devotional for some night time reading, “heelsandholster: a police wife devotional”. Also, join my Instagram page for an uplifting, positive police wife community and humor.
*Affiliate links are posted throughout this blog. I may receive commission from your purchases.
Picture this:
You look forward to your cozy solo evenings and fall asleep peacefully without staring at the ceiling worrying.
Your days run smoothly on an Independent Daily Routine with outside help when you need it, so daytime isn't spent tiptoeing in frustration.
When he wakes up groggy after night shift, you use Gentle Observation and he meets you with warmth instead of irritability.
You have Consistent Quality Time Together on the calendar, so you never feel like two passing ships in the night.
When you need extra support with the house or kids, you use Assertive Trauma Informed Communication to ask once and feel heard.
Ready to sleep soundly and feel like teammates again on night shift? Start with my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training.
Listen: more on thriving through night shift in police, fire, or military life on the heelsandholster podcast
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How to Keep Kids Quiet with Night Shift Spouse