Police Spouse Support for Shift Work Schedules
Police Shift Work Schedules: When His Job Makes Him Unreliable Help
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training to stop letting his shift schedule run your life.
Your husband’s job makes him an unreliable source of help. I don’t say that to be rude to your hardworking police, fire, or military partner. I say it because once I realized this, it opened my eyes to how much of my life I spent waiting.
When our first son was born, I waited for my husband to come home or wake up from night shift just so I could shower, go grocery shopping, or talk to another adult. I even waited for him to get home so I could go teach while he stayed with our son, until last-minute overtime left me scrambling for childcare and angry at him.
Everything shifted when I built my Independent Daily Routines framework, routines that light you up and run smoothly no matter what his schedule does, and paired it with my Assertive Trauma Informed Communication method. One of my coaching clients, a deputy K9 wife, used these exact tools when conflicting shifts and overtime were wearing her down. A few weeks later she told me, “Huge win! He actually called me before signing up for overtime. And he even said no to a call for overtime on his day off last week.”
Here’s how that shift started at our house, and the practical tools we use to plan around an unpredictable schedule. If your husband works 24, 48, or 72-hour station rotations, check out my guide on navigating a firefighter shift work marriage and 5 firefighter wife struggles.
Planning is laughable as a police spouse. Our spouses’ schedules are often unstable and unreliable. Early on, this caused resentment for me. As my children have gotten old enough, they began asking if “Daddy” had to work the next day. My husband’s schedule changes every 30 days and may or may not include overtime or court days. It was hard enough for me to keep track of let alone inform our children. If you’re a parent, you may want to check out my blog on being a police wife and mom.
Here are a few things I have done to plan for my family regardless of having a spouse with a shift work schedule:
Use a white board & e-family calendar.
I am a huge fan of an electronic calendar, such as a Google calendar, that can be shared with family members, but when you have young children, a white board family calendar with magnets (here’s the calendar* I use) is a fun idea! My police spouse emails me his schedule when he gets it every four weeks. I enter in his works into my Google calendar and then draw or write his work days onto our whiteboard calendar, which is low to the ground so our young boys can see when their dad is working too.
Family calendars.
Use one or both of the following family calendars:
Shared Google or E-Calendar. This is so helpful for police couples if both are open to using it. Funny thing is that I recommend this, but I am the only one that uses it in my relationship. My husband sends me his work schedule, which is emailed to him and I add his work days into my Google Calendar. He keeps his schedule in his head. I have no idea how he does this!
Whiteboard Family Calendar. The whiteboard calendar is very helpful when you have young children who may not have a cell phone or read. I place our whiteboard calendar low to the ground so our boys can read it as well. When my husband gets his schedule, which changes every 4 weeks, I update the calendar by drawing pictures when my police husband is working so me and my kids can keep track.
Embrace the shift work life.
It is your schedule now too, because your police spouse is in law enforcement. For years, I fought it. I would joke that I wanted to be the police scheduler. I would tell my police spouse that he was never home. I would complain about it. That did not help at all and only made things worse for both of us.
Once I embraced the police shift work schedule, our relationship improved. I began to support my police spouse by ensuring he had a noise machine to sleep during the day and blackout curtains. I even found ways to improve my own sleep when he was working shift.
Holidays and weekends alone.
Go to that holiday party or family gathering on the weekend solo with confidence knowing that your police spouse is working hard for the community and your family. You will get asked “is _____ working again?” or questions like that repeatedly. Respond with confidence. Embrace your solitude and really enjoy the times when you get to be together. Holidays and “weekends” can be celebrated on other days.
If you’re experiencing loneliness, check out this blog.
Picture this:
Your week runs smoothly whether he’s on days, nights, or held over at court.
The kids stop asking every morning when Daddy is working because they can see it on the family calendar.
He calls you before saying yes to optional overtime, and you decide together.
You stop waiting around for him to wake up or come home just to live your day.
When a holiday or weekend falls on his work block, you already have a plan that makes you smile.
You don’t have to keep waiting on a schedule neither of you controls. Start with my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training and build a routine that works for your family.
Listen: more on shift work, overtime, and routines on the heelsandholster podcast