Dating a Police Officer or Dating a Cop 101
I’ve been a police wife now for 10 years, but actually dated my now husband for 10 years before tying the knot. Welcome to my guide on “dating a police officer”, “dating a cop”, “what is it like dating a cop?”, “dating a cop personality” In this blog, I cover common questions that I get from police girlfriends on my Instagram page.
Check out my heelsandholster: police wife devotional in which I share real stories from when I was dating a cop for 10 years before getting married. I also two children’s books for police kids Boots by the Doors and Donuts at the Station. My police husband wrote a memoir Why Is Everything Wet? about being the child of a cop himself and his own police work in south Los Angeles. It will help police wives and girlfriends to improve their mindset and practical routines to their improve relationship. Keep reading for answers to common questions about dating a cop.
What is a cop looking for in a relationship?
Traditional values. I remember Rick, my police husband, telling me when we were dating that he wanted a woman that could cook. Police officer have demanding careers. They cannot take care of things around the house. They are often the main financial providers of the household and are looking for someone to care for household responsibilities, such as caring for children, cooking, and cleaning. Check out Boots by the Door, a children’s book I wrote and another police wife illustrated, written from the perspective of children of police officers. I pack him a lunch for work and he’s always so thankful for it. Don’t miss my police officer meal plan and free recipe book here. I am a working mom; my police husband always respected me working, but I have a flexible career that allows me to still be the primary caregiver of our children and do most of the cooking and cleaning around the house. For hacks on how to be productive as a police wife, check out this blog.
I have an entire blog on what a cop is looking for in a relationship and what kind of woman a cop is looking for.
How to build a relationship with a police officer?
Support. Early on during our relationship once Rick became a cop, he said “I need you to support my career” including in the police academy. Support comes in many ways.
Offer a safe/non-judgmental space for your officer to speak about the things he sees at work. I joke about this in my police wife memes blog here too- check it out for a good laugh! It’s normal for officers to experience critical incidents or traumas once every 2 months.
Accommodate his unique needs even if you don’t fully understand them. When you’re dating a cop, he/she may request that you don’t go to certain places, such as restaurants, because he/she arrested someone who frequents the spot. Additionally, your officer may request you don’t go to crowded places, because it causes him anxiety. The holidays can create unique tensions; read my blog about holidays and Disney vacations here.
Defend your officer as appropriate to police haters. Your best friend may support Black Lives Matter. Your friend can do what they want, but don’t let them talk bad about police around your officer. Your police boyfriend deals with haters at work enough.
You would benefit from reading this blog where I provide real stories and practical tips on how to be supportive of your police boyfriend.
Is it hard dating a police officer?
Hard is relative. Dating a police officer is unique. It will be helpful for you to find others who get it. Also, check out my husband’s book Why is Everything Wet, which is a memoir about his dad who was injured on duty and his own police work to understand cops better. He’s honest about the struggles in our relationship in his book. Search on Facebook Groups for a police wives group for your police boyfriends’ department. Here are some things that were hard when I dated my officer at first:
Schedules. Police schedules are shift work, such as night shift. They often change, are unreliable, and involve court and overtime on “off” days. This can be frustrating. See my police wife/girlfriend memes to laugh at this here. It’s really important to remember that your officer doesn’t control his shift. He doesn’t choose his schedule. Overtime may seem optional, but your officer may feel responsible for agreeing to it, because it’s a good choice financially and/or it helps his coworkers out.
Date a Cop & His Work?
Sometimes work comes before you when you are dating a cop. This is a hard one to swallow. Your boyfriend is a hero. He serves is community. That means that he sometimes sacrifices to do so and his loved ones (aka you!) sacrifice a lot as well.
Being solo on holidays and weekends. Many times your police boyfriend will be working weekends and holidays. This can be very challenging to get used to. It’s important to find friends, family, and hobbies that can occupy your time and social needs when your spouse is working. Remember that you can have fun during weekdays and celebrate holidays on different days than the actual holiday.
You might benefit from this blog on police girlfriend loneliness.
I share so many more tips on my Dating a Cop video series on YouTube.
What’s it like being a police officer girlfriend?
If you can embrace the unique lifestyle of a police officer, you will find that he is the best provider you could find. He respects you. He opens your door and has those old school values we ladies (even we independent working ladies) love! You will find that you are now a part of a family that gets you like no one else does (other police girlfriends and wives). Wear the thin blue line around town, and you will see others smile at you that get it. Come join my police girlfriend and police wife community on Instagram.
You will gain a dark sense of humor when you are dating a cop, and little secrets about the places in your town or city and only you and other police families know. You will begin to see things through your police boyfriends’ eyes, which is a darker view of the world. Try your best to see the world with sunshine and rainbows though, because your police boyfriend is counting on you to help them continue to see it.
Are cops controlling in relationships? Dating a cop personality issues.
I remember the first time I felt the controlling nature of my police officer. It was when I wanted to go for a run around the neighborhood where we had just moved in to an apartment together. I just mentioned that I was going to start jogging. The next thing I knew, Rick texted me a map of a running routine including roads that I could run on. I found this very odd. When I talked to him about it, he said that he knew I’d want to run down a different road near a more populated area. He said that area had sketchy people in it. He just wanted me to run in the safe areas. There have been many other similar times like this in our relationship.
Read my blog: Are cops controlling in relationships? for more. Yes, sometimes, but it is typically meant to keep you safe. It’s okay to ask questions of your police boyfriend to understand where they are coming from. It’s okay to request a compromise if you feel that they are being too controlling.
What are dating a cop personality issues? What are the personality traits of a cop? I believe that it’s natural for our police officers to be protective and what we may sometimes feel as overprotective at times. They see the world through a different lens. I feel that my officer does everything he can to keep us safe. He has asked me to use a PO Box rather than street address for mail, for example, because he is afraid that perpetrators will look us up and come to our home. That is a simple request. Sometimes other requests I may push back on depending on what it is if I feel very strongly that I still want to do something that he does not want me to do for safety. Communication and openness is so important.
You might enjoy this article on how to support your police boyfriend with paranoia.
So, you want to date a policeman?
It took me time to realize that pride is important to being a police girlfriend or wife. Not pride in the egotistical way, but pride in embracing the police lifestyle and your role in it.
You may sacrifice holidays and weekends alone, but I want you to know that you are doing that with purpose.
Embrace your role in supporting your police boyfriend. Make him lunches, send him sweet texts, and care for him for the hero that he is.
May he treat you with equal respect and adoration though as well!
I talk more about embracing your role as a police girlfriend in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
How to make a cop fall in love with you?
Loyalty and respect are key to law enforcement officers not just in their work but in their relationships. Choose each other. Surround yourself with people who support you to have a healthy relationship not people who bring you down.
Life and people will test your relationship. My police husband and I dated long distance, which was no piece of cake. It was incredibly challenging especially with shift work schedules and a time difference. Other women have attempted to contact my husband and test our relationship. He stayed true to me and cut off any ties with women who wanted to date him. I did the same. We must choose each other no matter what challenge comes our way.
I wrote about our “come to Jesus” growth moments in our police dating, engagement, and police marriage in the heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book. I encourage you to check it out as it addresses common themes that police relationships are challenged by.
What’s it like being in a relationship with a police officer?
Common police girlfriend and police wife struggles include police wife loneliness, police wife depression, but on the flip side, you will be with a strong man and provider who cares deeply about his community. You will be with a true hero. If you find pride in that and your unique role in providing a safe space for your officer to come home to, you will thrive as a police girlfriend or police wife.
If you’re still asking yourself, “should I date a cop?”, then read my police wife devotional book, which includes 42 “come to Jesus moments” in my police girlfriend and police wife journey that will help you to see common challenges and the resilience in police relationships that is possible.
Some links in the blog are affiliate link and I may make a commission from your purchase.
Reasons to Date a Cop
Let me list the reasons for ya!
Private Security. I always joke that I have private security, because we have a Ring doorbell and even when Rick is working night shift, he is watching our house. Your man will be protective of you, and that is a gift.
Employment Benefits. Regardless of the overtime, shift work, etc. that comes with the job, most police departments offer excellent health insurance, vacation time, sick time, paternity leave, and a retirement plan. As you think of the long term commitment to your officer, these are wonderful things to have in a police marriage.
Humor. Your officer will use humor (sometime dark) on a regular basis, but he will make you laugh. Rick even made me laugh when he was sick in a hospital bed once.
Inside Scoop. The news only shares so much; I get my local news from my spouse. You will know more about your local community that others.
The Blue Family. There is a bond that we share like no other as a police girlfriends and wives. Our lives are unique but we are strong and support one another through it.
Dating a Cop Tips
What is it like dating a cop?
Be in the relationship for the long term. If you see a future, that it truly helps those long days of not seeing each other, because you know that you will have a lifetime together. Planning ahead can really help, such as planning a couples vacation or a fun date you’re looking forward to, but know that you have to flexible if that date needs to change to a new day.
What’s it like to date a cop?
Surround yourself with supportive people. We cannot do this life alone. I have found that having really good friends that I can count on even if it just to hang out with on a long weekend when my officer was working, really helped a lot. A lot of people do not understand this unique life, so reach out to police wives or girlfriends who get it.
I truly hope these dating a cop tips helped you. If you are struggling, check out my police wife devotional book below, which also includes stories from dating my officer for 10 years before marriage.
Do Police Officers Make Good Husbands?
What is it like being married to a cop?
This year I am officially married to Rick for as long as I dated him (10 years each!). I have to say that Rick has made a better husband that I could ask for. As a practical woman in my 30s these days, I look for the following in my husband:
Provider: Rick makes a good living as a police officer. Along with the chaotic schedules also comes excellent benefits. Rick has great health insurance, retirement, and can take time off when he or our family are sick.
Support: Rick supports me in almost everything I do. I have a career that I love and there are times when our boys are sick and we have to take turns taking days off work. He not only supports me, but cheers me on.
Excellent Father: Seeing Rick as the father to our two boys is liking nothing I could dream of. Man do our boys look up to him. I’m grateful that they have their dad to look up to.
Protector: Rick ensures we are safe and he actually has the know-how to advise us on the best neighborhood to live in, security tools in our home, etc. That is such a gift!
Dating a Cop Book
I wrote a dating a cop book, heelsandholster: a police wife devotional that includes 42 stories of my 10 years of dating a cop who turned into my police husband. About half the stories are from our courting and dating years. I know you will relate and it will help you to see what it normal when you are dating a cop.
Keep reading…
What Kind of Woman a Cop Likes to Date?
What a Cop is Looking for in a Relationship?
Relatable & Funny Police Wife/Girlfriend Memes
How to support your police officer with critical incidents and trauma
Are police officers controlling in relationships?
What It’s Like Being Married to a Cop
How to Thrive When Your Husband is in the Police Academy
Police Wife Life Can Be Lonely, But Here’s How to Thrive Anyway