5 Ways to Thrive Being a Cop’s Wife Alone during a Holiday When Police Spouse Works
Holidays Alone When He Works: How Police Wives Stop Dreading the Schedule
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training so this holiday season feels different.
“You were adamant about Christmas.” That’s what my husband said when I asked him about our growth moments. “You told me that if I wasn’t there Christmas morning, you’d open the stockings and presents with our boys without me.”
He’s not wrong. I did say that. It sounds harsh, but here’s what was really going on: I was tired of our whole holiday hanging on a schedule neither of us controlled. I was tired of waiting.
If you’re looking at the holiday calendar right now and already dreading which days he’ll be gone, I see you. Whether he’s police, fire, or military, holidays alone can feel like the loneliest days of the year.
These days our holidays look completely different, and it’s not because his schedule got better. It’s because I built Independent Daily Routines and holiday traditions that make me smile whether he’s there or not, and we plan the together moments on purpose.
Here’s the story behind that Christmas morning rule.
The reason for this specific holiday tradition is that it was always magical to me as a kid. We were not a religious family and Christmas morning was our thing. My mom went all out. I could move holiday meals or other traditions to other days/times, but Christmas morning was Christmas morning to me. There was no changing it. This meant that my husband has often lost sleep to be there for Christmas morning. My husband has worked mostly night or swing shift, so he often would sleep a little, then get up to celebrate Christmas morning with us. Besides that, I would shift our other traditions, such as a family meal, to any time that worked best for my husband based on his schedule. To me, this is compromise. As I share in my new children’s book for police kids, Boots by the Door, children may be sad when their police parent goes off to work, but we spouses make the magic regardless. Here are my tips for thrive as a police wife alone during a holiday when your husband works:
A a Police Wife, You Can Move Holiday Traditions
As I said, many traditions for holidays can be moved to other dates or times that accommodate your police husband’s work schedule. Don’t worry about doing what everyone else is doing or when. Live your life however you want. If you have kids, it can be best to celebrate holidays earlier so they aren’t bummed when their friends celebrate before them.
Have you done Elf on the Shelf police family style? Check out my Elf on the Shelf ideas here.
Create Stability for Specific Holiday Traditions as Wives of Police Officers
I have found that I create stability for our everyday family routines as well as holidays in our family. As I described in my story about Christmas morning, I wanted that one tradition to be the same time/day each year. That is okay. I could create that stability. Of course, if you want to have a tradition at the same day/time each year and you are not sure if your spouse will be working at that time, it is important to communicate that with your spouse. Are they okay with you celebrating without them? Can you compromise? If it is important to you, tell them why.
I share more about this in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
Embrace Different Traditions Whether Your Spouse will be Home or Working as a Thin Blue Line Wife
My husband has worked most Fourth of Julys for as long as I could remember, so I planned to spend time with my friends and family on that day, so my boys and I were not alone. This past year he was off so we spent it with him of course and things looked a bit differently. Our roles as police wives ask us to be flexible. For other holidays, if I do not have any friends or family to spend the day with, I plan a special day for my boys and me. We might go to the beach, Zoo, a special holiday event. I even took my boys to see Santa at a local meet n greet all by myself once.
How to Deal with the Comments While Married to a Cop
I know I am not the only one who has attended holiday events alone and had a family or friend say, “Your husband’s always working. Is he real?” followed by a laugh or an acquaintance ask, “Are you single?” If you are confident in your marriage and your role as a police wife, then you can roll off those comments. I want you to pride yourself in your role that you play in society. You support a first responder, a hero. If you feel insecure in your role, then those comments can be hard to swallow. I highly encourage you to find your pride and confidence by reading my book heelsandholster: a police wife devotional.
Find Police Spouse Support Groups or Start Your Own
It helps many wives to connect locally with other police spouses. Search on facebook under “groups” with your local town or city and the key words, “police wives” to see if a group already exists. If not, then create your own.
Picture this:
Holiday morning feels cozy and fun, even if he’s on shift.
You have a “second Christmas” or “Friendsgiving” tradition the kids look forward to.
He calls on his break, and you’re genuinely happy to hear from him, not hurt.
You’ve already talked through the schedule together weeks ahead, so there are no surprise fights.
You have women around you who get it and check on you that day.
I truly hope this blog helped you to overcome anxiety, loneliness, or other negative emotions as you prepare for holidays. I truly wish you the very best holiday season!
You don’t have to spend another holiday feeling alone. Grab my free training, 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back, before the holiday schedule comes out.
Listen: more on thriving in police, fire, or military life on the heelsandholster podcast