How to Thrive when your Husband is in Police Academy
When He's Studying, Working Out Before Dawn, and Too Drained to Talk: How to Stay Connected Through the Academy
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training so you can start your law enforcement or military journey on the same team from day one.
When my husband started the police academy, he quickly realized he wasn't in as good of shape as he thought he was. Suddenly, he was working out before and after long academy training days, studying in his off time, and coming home humbled both mentally and physically, often not wanting to talk about his day at all.
Whether your partner is in the police academy, fire academy, or military training, this season stretches both of you. What kept us connected instead of resentful was using my Gentle Observation method: noticing when he was drained and giving him a safe space to recharge without taking his quietness personally, while building Independent Daily Routines so I felt fulfilled and cared for even while taking on more at home.
One of my coaching clients shared what happened when she practiced Gentle Observation with her tired partner: "I could tell he was tired so I used Gentle Observation. So far, the results are wonderful. I can see that my man is more relaxed. I could really see it in his tone and the way he is more proactive in reaching out to spend time with me."
Congrats to you and your spouse as you begin your law enforcement family journey! While this is an exciting time, it can also be stressful, so here are my best tips to help you thrive while your husband is in the police academy.
You’re going through the 2nd toughest time (according to my police husband) of your spouse’s career when your husband is in the police academy. The hardest time is probation according to my husband. These tips are designed to help you thrive (not just survive) and how to prepare for the police academy as a policy wife or girlfriend, as a couple, and family:
Time. Your spouse will need time not just when he’s in police academy training but also in off time to study and/or get in shape. My husband realized he wasn’t in as good of shape as he thought he was when he started the academy. He worked out before and after academy training days. In order for him to be successful, I needed to sacrifice this time with him.
Cheer him on. Your husband may be humbled while in the academy either mentally or physically. Tell him how strong he is to you. Tell him how smart he is. Be his cheerleader.
Take care of all the things. The police academy training doesn’t last forever. During this time, it’s important that you take care of the household and/or children’s needs. For tips on how to get it all done, check out my productivity hacks for police wives.
Ask for help from others. While your husband is in the police academy, you will be taking on more responsibility at home. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help from friends, families or professionals.
Use humor. Your husband may be seeing a lot of naked men in the locker room. Joke about this and other things to let out that stress using laughter. You are his safe space to do so. Check out thesefunny police wife memes.
Enjoy time off together. If your husband is anything like mine, he may not want to talk about his day at the academy. He may want moments with you and his family to focus on other things. This down time and recharge him for the next police academy training day. I describe more about this in my open letter to police wives on how to he a supportive police wife to our police husbands.
Sweet notes. If you’re making your husband lunches, leave little love notes in there reminding him of how sexy, strong, smart, etc he is. Check out my meal planning guide for police wives here.
Gifts. Your husband is working hard for you and the whole family. Get him some swag to improve his “Officer coolness” as my husband calls it.Check out my gift guide for police officers. I also have one for police wives!
Treat yourself. Your life is changing as your husband becomes a police officer. You’re taking on more than usual. And, frankly, you will take on more household responsibilities and childcare responsibilities than the average wife. Treat yourself to little things such as Starbucks, a pedicure, brunch with friends etc. I made this video aboutdaily self care habitsI use to bring myself happiness that don’t cost much anything at all.
I truly hope these tips help you thrive when you husband is in the policy academy and help you on how to prepare for the police academy as a policy wife. I have a blog and video on what to expect as a new police wife. Check out my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book on Audible, which will help you to develop skills in acceptance of police wife life, self-care, independence, and planning for you.
Picture this:
When he comes home exhausted from academy workouts and studying, you use Gentle Observation instead of taking his silence personally, and home feels like his safest place to exhale.
You have Independent Daily Routines, friends, and daily self-care habits that fill your cup while you hold down the home front.
You ask for help clearly using Assertive Trauma Informed Communication so you never burn out trying to do everything alone.
On his downtime, you laugh together, leave sweet notes in his lunch, and enjoy Consistent Quality Time Together without the academy consuming every conversation.
By graduation day, your police, fire, or military relationship is stronger and more connected than the day he started.
Want to build these habits right from the start of his career? Grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training.