Productivity Hacks for Police Wife Struggles
Independent Daily Routines for Police, Fire, and Military Wives: How to Stop Juggling Everything Alone
Before we dive in: grab my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training so you can build routines that end the overwhelm and bring you and your partner back on the same team.
When your police, fire, or military partner's job makes him unreliable help at home, trying to juggle cooking, laundry, cleaning, work, and kids on your own can leave you exhausted and resentful.
For me, that breaking point came on the exact day the Covid-19 pandemic was declared a National Emergency in 2020: my husband had back surgery for an Injury On Duty, schools closed, and overnight I was a working mom caregiving for my husband for months while homeschooling our boys.
That season forced me to build what I now teach my coaching clients as my Independent Daily Routines framework, paired with Gentle Observation and Assertive Trauma Informed Communication so you can ask for help once (and bring in appliances, grocery delivery, or housekeeping without guilt). When one of my police wife coaching clients stopped trying to do bath time, dishes, and homework all by herself and used Assertive Trauma Informed Communication to ask her husband once at the right moment, he did the dishes and opened up about his shift that same week.
Here is how my husband's Injury On Duty recovery reshaped our home, and the exact Independent Daily Routines I still use every week.
My husband just posted about his success in his 2-year recovery from back surgery due to an Injury On Duty the day that the Covid-19 pandemic was reported as a National Emergency in 2020. He came back bigger and stronger than ever before. The truth is that we both recovered over time. The initial shock to me as a working mom juggling a spouse with his own caregiving needs that lasted months after his surgery and homeschooling children due to school closures was overwhelming. During that time, I learned a thing or two about how to be more productive. I have kept these hacks with me even though I don’t have to juggle quite so much anymore. Police wives often experience anxiety; I share my tips on improving anxiety here. I am so happy to pass these hacks on to you to address any police wife struggles you may run into. I also share how I overcame many common police wife struggles in my heelsandholster: a police wife devotional book.
How I Built Independent Daily Routines
Cooking
Meal plan. As the primary cook in the family, I learned to meal plan weekly. I plan to cook a dinner every other day, and the days in between I cook leftovers or easy meals, such as cheese quesadillas. I choose my meals using two cookbooks: 1. The Adaptable Feast and 2. a family cookbook made by my mom. I use a whiteboard weekly calendar in the kitchen to write out each planned meal. Check out my meal planning guide here.
Create a grocery list. I use those meals to create my grocery list. I switch between several breakfasts (scrambled eggs, avocado toast, oatmeal, waffles etc) and lunches (deli or PB & J sandwiches, side of fruit, chips etc), so I make sure we have ingredients for those or they go on the list as well.
Drive up or grocery delivery is so worth it! I love Target Drive-Up.
Use Kitchen knives that work to make your meal prep work easier. I love my Pure Komachi knives.
Get yourself a Kitchen Mini Griddlerto grill chicken breasts, burgers etc. quickly and indoors. I love my mini grill to cook my husband a chicken breast while I’m making a vegetarian meal. It’s so much quicker than any other cooking method for meat.
Check out what I include in my police officer husband’s meals for work here.
Laundry
Do a load of laundry a day. I start a new load in the wash and fold a load every single day. If I skip a day, it piles up.
Fold the laundry right outside of the dryer. I do NOT transfer the clothes elsewhere first, because you know it’ll just sit there for a while.
Assign children responsibility for their laundry based on their age. My oldest son is 6, so he puts all of his clothes away. My youngest son is 4, so he puts his underwear and socks away for now.
Check out our new Police Kids Book
Cleaning
Prioritize your cleaning responsibilities. What are your must clean areas daily and weekly? Create routines to ensure those areas get cleaned. I clean the kitchen after I cook every meal. I forgive myself if I don’t have time in the mornings on workdays, but will clean it fully after dinner each night. I tidy up the living room with my boys each day before bedtime. My boys know that, if they make a mess with toys, it’s their responsibility to clean them up. We have made this their chore since they were toddlers. I also run our robot vacuum nightly (see the next paragraph for more on that). Weekly, I clean the bathrooms and give the kitchen a deep clean and my boys clean their rooms.
Take advantage of cleaning appliances. Just rinse those dishes that you’re going to throw in the dishwasher. Also, invest in good quality appliances. We got a Bosch dishwasher, and it washes the dishes far better than I ever could!
Get help with a housekeeping service or technology. I cannot say enough positive things about our Eufy robot vacuum. I run it nightly and it’s just a dream to walk on our clean hardwood floors that the robot vacuum cleaned-not me!
Coordinating the Chaos
As wives and moms, we are typically responsible for the household schedules.
Use a family whiteboard calendar. I love using a whiteboard calendar that everyone can see. We keep ours low and include pictures so our youngest can understand what’s going on.
Use a Google E-Calendar. I store everything including my work meetings, my boys’ school homework deadlines, my boys’ extracurricular activities, our family vacations, doctor’s appointments, etc in my Google E-Calendar. I look at it nightly to see what’s going on the next day. I swear that if I don’t write it down, it’s not going to happen.
Schedule your self-care. When will you work out? Write it down on the calendar. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
Picture this:
Dinner is already planned on the kitchen whiteboard, groceries arrive via drive-up or delivery, and you only cook every other night.
Laundry takes 10 minutes a day and your kids put their own clothes and toys away as part of your Independent Daily Routine.
Your robot vacuum and dishwasher handle the heavy lifting at night while you actually relax.
You use Gentle Observation and Assertive Trauma Informed Communication to ask your partner once when you need him to tag in, and he steps up without an argument.
Your own workouts and self-care are on the Google Calendar right alongside everyone else's priorities.
Ready to trade household overwhelm for Independent Daily Routines and real teamwork? Start with my free 3 Keys to Knowing He’s Got Your Back training.
Listen: more on routines and thriving in police, fire, or military life on the heelsandholster podcast
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Being a Police Wife: The Family Chaos Coordinator